Hot And Cold

A few months back, I needed to wake up earlier than usual because if I don't, I'll end up taking a bath using warm water on a hot summer day. Can you imagine that? Its kind of weird but what can I do? After taking a bath I always needed to put the A/C to super-duper cool to relax myself.

Now is a different scenario, what you see now are people going out of the bathroom freezing. Some took only 3 minutes to finish their bath. It took me about 5 minutes and this is just the beginning of a long winter season. Yes, we have a water-heater, you may feel okay using the shower with warm water but after a while you will still end up freezing.

I'm beginning to pull-out my sweaters, coats/jackets and even my pajama from my suitcase. I'm also planning to buy a new comforter and thicker blanket sometime next week.

Whew, It's this time of the year again where I have to put-on (2) t-shirts plus a sweatshirt even when I am inside my room.

Of ' + ' and ' - '

I need a break.

I felt that for the past couple of years, my life has been a roller-coaster ride. Too many ups and downs and honestly it's getting scary.

I'm like trying to stay afloat because it's an obligation for me to stay alive. I oftentimes forgot the real purpose why I am here. It seems that the bright rays of the morning sun has lost it's shine on me. There is no joy of waking up in the morning anymore. It has always been a 'been there-done that' kind of day. Why do I feel this way? depression? Uhmm, maybe, but I do not want to continually make that as an excuse. It aint' right.

When good thing happens, expect something bad will follow. Why is the world like this? I just can't figure it out. I just can't put everything in order. I just can't continue to be happy. It's like having this ' + ' and ' - ' signs tattoed on my forehead.

If the ' + ' appears ' - ' will get even later.

positive is continually chase by negative.

OMG, when will this stop?

The Dream, The Heart and a Mind in Disarray

I had a another bad dream last night.

I believe it's a reminder. A sign.

It's up to me now how I will respond and what steps should I take. I neglected a lot of signs that the heavens showed me before and I paid dearly.

There's a need for me to listen to the whispers of my heart, but I am having trouble doing that. My mind is so preoccupied by so many things that it cannot hear the whispers anymore. I need to unload a lot of burdens to make it work normally again.

Everything that happens now is so tiring. Everything is connected. Has relevance with each other.

I do not know how to make the first step. I do not have a parking-bay where I could temporarily place the burdens that I carry. I need somebody to help me carry the load.

For now, I must learn to follow the beats of my heart, the surety of my mind and take heed of beacons.

Someday

Someday things will be different. It may take long but as what they say patience is a virtue. There is always something good at the end of the line.

Someday a new ray of hope will be seen. The days in darkness will be over and gone.

Someday laughter will be heard everywhere.

Someday love will feel the air.

Someday.....

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaack!

No, no, no. I did not fly south to hibernate. I just went on a short hiatus coz' I was a bit busy since my last post.

Well, it's nice to be back!

No need for a celebration now. I need to put into writing A.S.A.P. what's temporarily stored on my mind right now or face the risk of losing it forever. You know, we humans tend to forget things easily.

For the past 2 weeks, a lot of things happened and I really feel the need to unload it all here. That is the reason why I really need to buy myself a laptop so that anywhere and anytime, I can write the stuffs that I want. I hope God is listening...

The Path of Life

It took a while for me to ask if I made the right decision to work miles away from home. You know, you can really never avoid reminiscing the past. Each and everyone of us does some serious soul-searching once in a while. I believe that everything that happens in our life, may it be good or bad always has a reason and it's up to us how to deal with it.

I believe in destiny, I believe that before we are born, the path that we are about to take is already made. "Maktub"(it is written) as what the Arabs say. The only question is, if we are going to take that path or make a trail of our own.

Sometimes instead of following the path that the heavens made for us, we always try to re-route or make a trail of our own without thinking what could be up ahead. Could it be a dead end? A trap? Or a Paradise? No one knows. In the end, we always end up trying to get ourself back to the right path, only to discover that the trail we made while making a route-change is gone! It was already covered with tall grasses and dirt.No visible footmarks, nothing. That's the time we realized that we are already lost! The trail back to the path of your life is gone.

Life is a struggle, an endless battle where only the strong survives. I always tell myself to get up and fight every time I fall but just like every human being on this planet, we sometimes feel tired and hopeless. All I can say is life is a gift from above, may we have lost the path but everytime we look up, the stars at night can guide us or the birds during the day can show us the way. One good lesson I learned after too many knock-downs from life's experiences is how to be sensitive to signs or warnings. Before I went to this oil-rich country, I neglected the little voice who told me not to go. The first few months was a struggle, I spent huge amount to extend my visa. It was almost a disaster. Later I realized, that little voice stopped me because I was coming over at the wrong time. It was actually the time of the year when employers don't hire employees.

I maybe taking the right path, but I travelled when the road is not in good condition. A case of right place at the wrong time? Maybe yes, maybe no. It is also possible that I took the wrong path and got lost. The good thing is, a person can never be lost forever unless he finds way to find the right path.

Life is a mystery. Making a decision is part of life. Following the path of your life is a choice. Getting lost is a learning experience. To sum it all up, Life is one hell of a journey.

Happy Hour

It's 3:45 pm UAE time. I just went down to get myself a coffee to drink. I got a little excited to get my first sip that I forgot how hoooooooooooooooooooooooooot the damn coffee was. No regrets, it's good to know that one of the 5 senses I have is still absolutely working fine.

I'm still drinking coffee while the people back home (Philippines) are already eating their dinner. Whew!

I'm a bit lucky that my boss is not here. (Thank heavens!) I again had the time to update my blog! Yipeeeeeeeeeee! I hope everyday is going to be like this.

Days from now, I'm gonna post several parts of the article/story I wrote about U.A.E., I assure you, you will be entertained, if not, irritated ;)

I and the little devil named depression

Damn, I really feel tired today. I'm sure it's either because of my scoliosis or because of my chronic depression.

Depression??

Yup, I have chronic depression. I believed It started 6 or 7 years ago but I did not took it seriously and at the same time, I really don't know that I was suffering from depression already. I thought I only have this so-called personalty problem. Duh!

According to Depression-Help-Center.Com, When depression lasts longer, and the depressive symptoms go away for a short time only to return again, it is termed chronic depression. When fewer than five symptoms listed on a standard depression quiz are present for at least two weeks, the mood disorder is considered chronic / minor depression.

Some of the reasons that can be linked with my depression are:

* My genes, yup, it's hereditary

* Tragedies or events I experienced that are not worth remembering

* Frustrations, frustrations, frustrations...................................................

* and more frustrations

For everbody's info, some of the signs and symptoms of depression are:

Depressed mood
Feeling hopeless, sad, discouraged, or empty.

Loss of interest or pleasure
Inability to experience pleasure. Nothing seems to interest you anymore, including former hobbies, social activities, and sex. Yup that includes sex. LOL!

Appetite or weight changes
Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.

Sleep changes
Insomnia or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).

Psychomotor agitation or retardation
“Keyed up,” unable to sit still, anxious, restless or sluggish, slow speech and body movements, lack of responsiveness.

Fatigue or loss of energy
Physically drained. Even small tasks are exhausting. Can't do things as quickly as you used to.

Self-loathing
Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. Harsh criticism of perceived faults and mistakes.

Concentration problems
Inability to focus. Difficulty making decisions. Can’t “think straight.” Memory problems.

Irritability
Grouchy, easily annoyed, and frustrated by little things. Angry outbursts.

Aches and pains
Depression can cause or exacerbate many physical symptoms, including headaches, backaches, diarrhea or constipation, abdominal pain, and aching joints.

Years ago, I even got addicted with sleeping pills. Damn, it was not good. When I felt the impact of it's side effect, I stopped. See how stupid I am?

You see, It was only now that I took some actions and took depression seriously. Main reason is: It's giving me a hard time to enjoy life.. To cope up with things... To cope up with things..... To cope up with things.

It wrecked havoc before and I just let it ruined me. I took about 10 or more depression screenings from various websites and honestly, I failed in all screenings. What I mean is, I really need to seek the help of a mental institute professional... Sigh!

There are many different treatment options for depression. The most common approach involves some type of psychotherapy, antidepressant medication, or a combination of the two.

I'll take any of those treatment any day. That's how serious I am of throwing away and kicking the little devil's shiny a**!. If you're also having depression chronic or clinical, let us seek help.....before it's too late.

Where will KB24 go?

I am a fan of the LA Lakers and there is no doubt that KB24 is one of my favorite NBA players. He's probably the best player in the NBA and even in the world today. His talent and basketball savvy is something to drool for. He is a fierce competitor who always brags about winning, he hates losing. Period.

After the Shaq-Kobe tandem which gave 3 championship rings for LA, everybody doubted if KB24 can bring the Larry O'Brien trophy to Lala Land again without the help of the 'Big Daddy' Shaquille O'Neal. Years had passed, Shaq got another championship ring in Miami while KB24's Lakers did not even reach the 2nd round of the western conference play-offs this past 2 seasons. In both seasons, they were eliminated by Steve Nash and the 'runnin and gunnin' Phoenix Suns. Now what's next for KB24? Months ago he made public that he wants out of LA and nothing can change his mind but had a change of heart after his coach, Phil Jackson persuaded him to stay. The team owner promised to give him the support he needs to make a good play-off run next season. Now he wants out of LA again. KB24's frustration about losing was evident when he made bad comments to GM Mitch Kupchak and LA center Andrew Bynum (Remember the infamous video?)(Mitch pulled off the Bynum-Jason Kidd trade last season)

Though the issue has calmed down and cooler heads prevailed, I cannot wait what will be KB24's next big move. We now all know that KG (Kevin Garnett) will never be in LA as he was traded to Boston already. There are few big names left in the market. Jermaine O'Neal expressed his desire to play alongside KB24 but I believe Jermaine's team, the Indiana Pacers will only trade him for Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum. LA I believe will not let go any of the two.

LA's salary cap is another problem. KB24's salary has eaten up most of the cap. If KB24 decides to stay in LA this season with the same cast of team mates, I will brace myself for another frustrating season. If KB24 decides to go to another team, LA can start rebuilding again. I know KB24 has no plans to be part of a rebuilding program. He wants to win now, not after 5 years when his legs are too weak even to make a bunny hop.

Where will KB24 really end up?

The Sunsilk Shampoo Dilemma

Some experiences are really hard to forget. When I first visited a supermarket (more than a year ago) here in the UAE to purchase some personal needs and other stuffs, I got dumbfounded when I reached the hair care section. Damn, the scene is surreal! Flashes of the past run through my mind. It's like going back to the good old days when I was in the Philippines. It was part of my job to check and ensure the availability and visibility of Unilever-made shampoos most notably Sunsilk shampoo in the Supermarkets.

After realizing that I am already in a different place (miles away infact), the clouds of sadness began to hover above my head. My body began to stiffen as if I was a dead man walking. Then "Puff!" I realized why I suddenly began to feel empty. It was because I remember all the things that I use to do in the Philippines for a living, the people whom I met and the experiences that I had. It was actually not the job (and the salary) to die for but who cares, if you enjoy what you do. Before I was working as a Supervisor but I can't feel that my salary is really meant for a Supervisor. Hahaha! It was a battle between satisfaction and happiness. You know, you can't have it all. Sometimes you are satisfied (with your job) but you are not happy (with your salary) OR you are satisfied (with your salary) but you are not happy (with your job) Am I right?

After staring at the displays for a period of time, I began to pick and smell some of the familiar brands that I know. I was like crazy smelling them one by one and telling myself if the one I'm holding has the same fragrance of what we have back home. "Smells the same", "Smells not the same", Smells the same", "Smells not the same" :). It's certainly funny and weird but I did enjoy myself doing that.

The way they display their shampoo on the shelve is a far cry of how we do it back home. I was then thinking, I really cannot blame myself for feeling this way because I did that thing for a number years. It became a part of my life.

As I was walking away from that section, I told myself to wake up and brace myself for the challenges that I will be facing ahead. Maybe I was only feeling home sick at that time and Sunsilk shampoo only reminded me of the past that is connected with it or maybe because it was one of the dominant figure in my life when I was back home.

Right now, I'm using a brand made by it's competitor to disconnect myself from plugging in to the past again because it just makes me wanna go home.

There is no problem with Sunsilk shampoo, It does not ruin your hair or make you bald or makes you insane. It is a dilemma for me and the reason is personal. I guess there is no reason for Unilever to sue me because of the title of this topic. Hehehehehehehe. Chill!